Scripts

Murgatroyd and Pratt

Content & purpose - A quick-witted sketch that tackles the question of whether we can get to Heaven by being good and observing the Law. Two lawyers speak in rhyme about how difficult it is to keep the Law. Probably best for assemblies or churches.

Cast - 2 people (ideally 1 man and 1 woman)

Starting Positions - As you see fit

M
We have the feeling some of you
Are feeling rather sure
That all you really need to do
Is try to keep the law
P
You wish you knew for sure though
Can you break it once or twice
And still get into Heaven
What you need is some advice
M
You need some legal expertise
And we provide just that
P
We are your humble servants
M
Murgatroyd…
P
…and Pratt
M
The law is rather difficult
P
There's such a lot of it
M
Perhaps you haven't understood
P
Perhaps you are a twit
M
If you would live life by the law
P
You'd better heed our warning
M
The first mistake that you will make
P
Is waking in the morning
M
The moment the alarm goes off
P
You make a tiny slip
M
And by the time you're out of bed
P
You're in the Devil's grip
M
You can't be bad
P
…or sad
M
…or mad
P
…or rude
M
…or crude
P
…or greedy
M
You're not allowed to flash
P
Your cash
M
You give it to the needy
You're not allowed…
P
…to shun the crowd
M
You have to love them all
P
Especially if…
M
…they bore you stiff
P
And drive you up the wall
M
You mustn't steal
P
Or fight…
M
Or feel…
P
…embarrassed about your zits
M
Or go along to swimming pools
P
To look at naughty bits
M
Can you forgive your cousin Viv
P
And tell her so as well
M
And can you stay with Auntie May
P
Despite the horrid smell
M
And if you're lending anything
P
That you will surely miss
M
You're not allowed to want it back
P
For instance, lend me this.
M
And if you do do something right
It's no good saying, 'Well…'
Both
'I am a little sunbeam now'
M
That's pride
P
You'll go to Hell
M
We hope that we've conveyed to you
P
The danger you are in
M
But please, you mustn't worry
P
'Cos that would be a sin
M
You see, you'll never keep the law
P
There's not a chance of that
M
You can rely upon the word
Of Murgatroyd
P
And Pratt

Website by Jonathan Cooper.
This page last updated 22nd Nov, 2003.
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