Scripts

Satisfaction

Content & purpose - This sketch is a rip-off of the legendary Two Ronnies sketch with John Cleese. Looks at what people want from life

Cast - 3 people:
Person 1: Tallest - Oxford Union type. Wants power (male)
Person 2: Medium - IT type. Wants money (male)
Person 3: Shortest - Social type. Wants happiness (female)

Starting Positions - Three people stand in a row, facing audience

1
I study philosophy and am Assistant Custodian at the Oxford Union
2
I don't have many friends either and study Information Technology
3
I study French and German and just like, you know, parties and things
1
I would like to debate the serious issues of life and meet Stella MacCartney
2
I want to develop software for Wireless Application Protocol
3
I just want to get through my finals, really
1
At school, I was polite to all the teachers, got good grades, became head boy, and got into Oxford
2
At school, I hacked into the mainframe, changed my grades, and based on false predictions, got into Oxford
3
I really didn't want to go to Durham, Bristol, or Nottingham and I cried in my interview and somehow scraped into St Hildas
1
Through a series of drinks parties, prodecural motions, and threatening litigation, I will become the next Michaelmas President of the Oxford Union. I will then work for McKinseys, advising real people how to run companies with no actual experience of life myself, and after three general elections, I should be elected MP for Guildford West.
2
I will write a remarkable piece of software which will revolutionise the way we use the internet. I will then team up with an attractive girl and together we will develop a website called something or other dot com, become fabulously wealthy and turn down a takeover bid from AOL Time Warner. And despite being bullied at school and college, the thing that keeps me going is the fact that I will own a Ferrari before any of them.
3
I will get a 2:1 in Modern Languages, move to Clapham, and through a friend of a friend get a job working for a well-known charity. After a year of that, I'll do a law-conversion during which time I will meet Mr Right, who will look a little bit like Brad Pitt, and together we'll buy in Kilburn, which by then will be an up-and-coming area, a bit like Islington, but not as posh.
1
My hero is Margaret Thatcher. She was a strong and visionary leader
2
My hero is Bill Gates. He is a clever and wealthy man
3
Who's that woman who presents 'Changing Rooms' - she's very good. Not the one who doesn't wear a bra. Or is that the other one?
1
I look down on them, because they have no ambition
2
My money will give me power over him. And my company power over her, even if she is 'popular'
3
I don't judge either of them, because I just want everyone to be friends. At the end of the day, we all want the same feeling of, um, oh, what's the word, um… when you're happy and… you achieved your, um… you know… and kind of content. Begins with S
1
Satisfaction
3
Yeah, that's it. Oh, Carol Smillie, that's who I was talking about earlier. She's good

The END

Comments and Notes - Found in CADS folder with Radio Sketch written at top, and James Cary, from London (with his address) written on the bottom - I can only assume that he is the author.


Website by Jonathan Cooper.
This page last updated 22nd Nov, 2003.
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