Scripts

Soap

Content & purpose - A fairly amusing sketch aimed at showing people that our relationship with God requires action, not just fancy words & rituals. Could be adapted, and certainly needs to be played for laughs.

Cast - 2 people (male or female) - either standing centre stage, or possibly in a "Head to head", Smith & Jones style.

1
Do you know what they're saying about us?
2
No.
1
They say we're hypocrites!
2
How dare they question our integrity.
Both
We do believe in soap.
1
We believe in Froth, the lather almighty, maker of foam & bubble, in shining white, his only sud…
2
…conceived by research chemists, born of modern technology, offered under plenitudinous trade names, advertised, demonstrated and bartered.
1
We really
2
Honestly
1
And most sincerely…
Both
…believe in soap.
1
Why, we attend the local soap factory every Sunday. There we sit alongside others who also believe in soap. We sing hymns of praise to Almighty Sud, hymns such as "Oh Camay ye faithful"
2
"Lux devine, all suds excelling"
1
"I need thee every shower"
2
Visiting rinsers stand on their soap boxes and exhort us to give of our wealth in order to establish launderettes in developing countries. They teach us how to remain clean by deep study of the soap users manual.
1
We're telling you this to convince you of our sincerity. We do believe in soap.
2
And always will believe in soap.
1
It's a faith we share, a faith we seek to pass on to our children.
2
Mind you, I will admit, I haven't always had these deep convictions. There was a time when I did not believe.But how well I remember the day an itinerant soap salesman called at our home. He opened his sample case and said to my mother "Try this in your palm, olive"
1
But she looked at him and said "Not on your life, boy"
2
But he pressed a tablet into her hand, got out his manual and proceeded to warn us of the dire consequences of not believing in soap.
1
He spoke to us about diseases, germs, dirt and grime and soon thereafter, what we'd thought to be a load of old flannel became our strength and shield.
2
We knelt down, there and then, and sprayed.
1
But these people are saying we're filthy, despite our faith.
2
So what? Surely it's enough to believe. We don't actually have to use the stuff, do we?

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